Life has been chaotic in a really wonderful way recently. But chaos is still chaos and that makes me sleepy. And these past few weeks have forced me to take a step away from my ego and become gentle with my body and my mind. I certainly don't see myself as a prideful person--if anything perhaps my self assessments could be a bit higher--but the recent rush of highs and lows have stunted me.
I hope other people reading this have felt this bit of shock before. Almost like life is zooming past us because things are changing so quickly. And on top of this change is an almost pivot like switch from highest highs to dark lows. It's certainly created a need for space and time to assess how I interact within these moments.
I have been really focused on three things recently: getting a job, graduating, and growing Run Wild && Be. So all really happy things. But with each interview or resume drafted comes a wave of energy followed by a crash into my shore of a reality: still unemployed as of the end of April, still have no clue how to create a job from RW&B, still have all my normal responsibilities within my current position. Also hello Syd, the degree is not yet in my hands. Quite a lot can happen in the next 30 some days. So you understand the space.
Just a side note, for some unknowable reason, I decided that this past weekend was THE weekend to paint our house. After a major interview on Friday, that I knew I was needing time to mentally and emotionally recover from, I insisted we get to it with the decorating projects.
So within this 2 week space I have not been running nearly as much as I had been in the past 3 months. And to be perfectly honest, I had really started to pride myself on my running for this little bit. I was running hard and frequently and was noticing changes in my strength that were exciting. And then the wheels fell off, I definitely have lost some of my strength, motivation is nonexistent, and I get frustrated with my inability to just fix it.
Well well well, aren't lessons sometimes perfectly and awfully timed? I have been forcing myself to recognize my need to go slow. To sit in peace for small moments in order to balance the pivots. Sometimes that peace is in my miles, but for the past few weeks that just hasn't been my truth and I guess that's fine. Time is nice and is always there and so is running. We all know that when we back off for just a little the craving to go comes right back. So it's here and I am starting tomorrow with a morning run just because it makes me happy.
I hope you are loving yourself and being kind and gentle even when sometimes it's really easy to criticize inside our brains. This doesn't help us and it only hurts our hearts a little. So if you don't feel like it, now I will tell you that you're awesome and wonderful and strong. Most of the time running will elevate us even higher, but sometimes our bodies need rest and our brains and hearts do too. So maybe take that if you feel it.
Sending you love from the little yellow house tucked between the pines<3