In this post I was talking really briefly about how we often times tell ourselves we can't do something or a goal is too crazy and unattainable to even go for it. The author of the book club book ("Runner") seems to live without fear of judgement or failure and had dang that, to me, is living free.
Without even realizing it we can remove ourselves from opportunities. Whether we don't like thinking of failure or maybe we fear of the unknown. Just not knowing what could go right or wrong can be enough to settle in to our comfort bubbles. Some of us probably just a solid love of comfort zones and it takes a LOT of energy and effort to step outside that. There's a lot in life we can self-select out of. I, personally, have grown fed the ef up with my own habit of doing this--sometimes I don't even realize it happened until Brian encourages me to rethink an off-hand comment or a small grumble about "I could never really do that". When someone else is helping keep you stay accountable it becomes really impossible to ignore. And then that can start your wondering why couldn't I do it? What in me thinks I'm not strong enough or bold enough or courageous enough?
It was probably a few months ago when I was confronted by my fear of a mundane life. I'm really terrified to one day wake up, 45 years old, a few kids deep and wondering what the heck happened to my life. For some reason marrying young (I'll be 24 when Brian and I get hitched) really ties into this. My own independence and desire to do scary things feels awkwardly confronted by this moment marker of marriage. I should note how ironic this is; Brian is probably the reason I do most of the things that freak me out or seem too big to accomplish. Anytime I mutter "I don't know...I don't know if I could" he's right there encouraging and challenging me.
Anyway, this fear created a lot of stir in our house. Lots of goals and dreaming and planning. We set our intention for the new year as simple and clear: organize, pay down debt, simplify, less screen time, and health. These felt like the perfect foundation to let our growth and goals rest on. But then I started to think personally about what I wanted to accomplish; we're very adamant that we don't compromise our own dreams for each other.
I'm so guilty of coming up with big beautiful dreams and then talking myself out of them before anyone else has the chance to point out reasonable challenges: money, time, skill, responsibility. I'm feeling a commitment to work really freaking hard and if I still don't succeed then oh well. Maybe I've been nervous about being vulnerable, sharing goals, putting myself out there and then flopping hard. But to protect what? Pride, probably.
I thought I'd work on my list of things that are terrifying to me and maybe some of them are similar to your scary things. Please oh please if you have any you'd like to share feel free to do so in the comments or a message. Women supporting women is one of the strongest push backs against fear and I would love to be a small piece of your support system!!