Life is a tornado right now and I'm not so sure how I feel about it. On one hand, the questions and chaos swirling in my heart are a good--no, a fantastic--thing. It's allowing me to live emotionally and fully and I tend to really like that sort of pace in life. But it's also creating a lot of discomfort and prolonged anxiety that probably doesn't need to be there. I recently had a conversation with a dear friend about how uncomfortable introspection can be. How for the most part, we ignore it and pick up a phone instead of looking deep inside ourselves. We agreed that often times, when we look deeply at the motivation for our past and current decisions it really doesn't feel good. And a lot of times it's easier to pick up a screen than to sit in that discomfort.
And so, for the past three weeks, I have been doing just that. Deleting social media apps, ignoring text messages, traveling abroad by myself, dedicating long hours to "where our life is going" talks with B. To be perfectly honest, there's not a lot of clarity coming from this lil corner of the Earth yet. It's a lot of high highs and low lows and poking and prodding into whyyyyyy. It's probably creating more questions than answers so far and that can sometimes be frustrating. But let's pick apart the brain train and maybe y'all have felt this level of confusion before.